It’s been a hard week. Scary health crises, extra work shifts, financial worries. In the middle of all that, back I go to RCIA.
Father Cornelius is delightful. A jovial fellow, enthused with the love of Jesus. English is his third language and sometimes things get a little lost in translation. He told us that if he said anything we disagreed with, or that sounded off, we should speak to him or one of the other priests to clarify. He told a funny story about one time when he got over excited and accidentally said that Mary was the Mother of the Trinity, and had to publicly apologize for the error. A humble man.
We began, as ever with Adoration, which I love. Sometimes it is such a sublimely ecstatic experience I cry. But not last night. Last night I became utterly and completely aware of my own sinfulness. I knew I was powerless to reconcile with God through my own efforts.
As I looked at the monstrance in near despair, the words ‘Even for you’ kept coming to mind, over and over.
The Mass that followed was full of readings and liturgy about forgiveness and by the time it was over, I finally understood that God was telling me that Jesus died, knowing all those sins that haunt me, even for me. The personal application of salvation is much made of in Protestant circles, but I truly believe I have never been quite so aware of that personal, specific salvation as I was in Adoration and Mass.
Then a long, long talk about the Bible, including a question from a woman who is clearly very serious about the spiritual aspect of things, which may prove interesting in coming weeks.
And so the weekend has arrived, and I am profoundly grateful. Another Mass tomorrow or Sunday to look forward to. I have also applied for a Christmas job, so we shall see how that pans out.