I’m tiptoeing along a line between self condemnation and honesty. On the one hand, I’m not praying enough, reading enough, making the most of my time.
On the other, I am attending Mass twice weekly, working faithfully at my job, doing all I can to support my family emotionally, financially and practically.
And yet.
While I am endeavouring not to beat myself up, things are not as they really should be.
In all honesty, I am more religious than most of the people of my acquaintance by a very long way, but I know in my heart of hearts that I am not engaged in the way I really need to be.
I do not pursue holiness with any kind of vigour. I am spiritually flabby, lazy, content to let things slide. I have fallen into bad habits, choosing the easy fast food spiritual hamburger over the focused process of creating a meal from scratch and then mindfully eating it.
It will not do. I cannot find myself in five years lamenting so many wasted opportunities when it is in my gift to change.
Moreover, not only does He require it of me, Christ gives me all I need, including His Spirit, to accomplish the task.
It will not be completed in my lifetime, I know. To be holy is the work of many years and trials. But that must not stop me. I must not retreat into the bland, empty distractions of this world when the multifaceted, rainbow coloured reality of God’s eternity is being held out before me. I must reach for it, yes, but He both holds it steady for me, and boosts me up to it.
God help me. God help us all.
Sacramental Health 